Is It Me? Introversion

You wouldn't know it from the kinds of blogs that I've been writing maybe the last year or so that I'm a very reserved and quiet person. I tend to like to do things on my own and getting things done instead of being out and about, but that doesn't mean that I'm anti-social. On the contrary I've been feeling very lonely in my personal life due to the fact that I don't see many people outside of Boyfriend and Aristotle. I've learned that it probably has to do with the fact that I'm an Introvert.

Now, when people see this I've noticed they think what I think, "Oh that means you hate being around people." This is not the case though and I think that it would be something that I can talk about here, if nothing else to feel better about how I am and the things that are happening around me. It all started with one of my little random stops in the public library. Yes, I'm weird and I go there to read for fun.

When I go, I take the time to check out the small section where they show books that have just arrived. This includes both fiction and non-fiction and I've had a good time with finding interesting books that I wouldn't have found otherwise (i.e. The History of Marriage and The History of Chastity) and they're weird and historical and I love it! But today one book that wasn't as loud or sexual looking caught my eye.

This title was called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It wasn't anything particular that caught my eye other than the red letters of "Quiet". When I think of being an Introvert I think anti-social and quiet, how could they possibly have any power in the world? SO I thought that I would read this instead of doing something like getting school work done. I've been very good at doing this especially when it has been coming down to my government paper that I need to get finished before the end of this week.

As I read I was immediately drawn in. The opening chapter describes a lawyer that went to law school, but when she got out, she found that she wasn't the loudest voice. She wasn't the prosecution that is screaming for justice. She was quiet and needed time to herself to really be happy. She was the author of this book, Susan Cain.

I felt so drawn to her style of writing where she talked about the studies of different people and the differences between Introverts and Extroverts. Essentially  I began to come to find that she was making it sound like it was alright to be the quiet person. You weren't anti-social, you enjoy a small group of friends. You aren't a party-pooper, you just like to watch the proceedings of the party more than actually taking part. I'm almost finished with it and I wish that there was more for me to discover which I will be more than happy to look for.

It made me feel like for once there was another person out there that understood me very well. That they knew the kind of things that were going through my head when I was at my cousin's wedding and was just watching while people thought there was something wrong that I wasn't up and dancing. It was okay to be me and I feel a sense of belonging finally in my own skin to a certain extent.

It also helped me to think about the people around me a bit more. Why sometimes we can connect more than ever and other times we could be on different planets, we're so far apart. It made me happy to see that I have quite a mix of friends, but it also made me a bit sad.

I say this because over the last few months I've felt so isolated from the people I call my best friends or close friends. I blame myself in part for this because I'm the kind of person that only goes out when people make me or call me. Otherwise, I'm fine to stay home. But I think it has fallen to such a place that I can't get them back even with trying.

I mostly say this about my friend Skittles. I've tried getting in touch with her multiple times, but every time I do something comes up. She has to work late or her cousin that I can't stand comes to town and takes her from me. Some times my texts go ignored, but then when I see her for a few moments at school before she runs off to class it is as if nothing ever happened. That's why I wonder if it is me.

Upon reading this book, I've seen that the physical pain I feel missing her and other people in my life is part of my personality as an Introvert. I have a close group and it hurts me when I can't be with them when I do seek out companionship.

Sure this doesn't help when I do get lonely, but it does help me a little more in my day to day. There is nothing wrong with how I act, contrary to how some of my family treats my personality (I'm an introvert while most of my family are very loud, very opinionated extroverts). I just have to find a way to live with it all while still being me. Which is very interesting due to the fact that Ms. Cain goes into a chapter about Introverts that pretend to be Extroverts in their daily lives. This is very much me when it comes to my work at Chick-fil-a. And that if they don't take the time like I do, they can burn out, which I have been feeling lately. Thus, my not as recent blog updates.

So I challenge those who feel this way or even want to read an interesting book in psychology to find this book. It explains away a lot of misconceptions about the loud clowns in the class as well as the quiet people in the corner that you knew to cheat off of in high school.

So here to yet again pushing another book or movie into your mind. Seems that my blog is turning into a review of things, but isn't that what commentary is? A review of the product, which just happens to be my life?