Finally a Change?

For the people that know me well, they know that I spend way too much time inside my own head. It probably has to do a lot with the fact that sometimes I'm too smart for my own good. Then again, that could just be me.
But I don't listen to that, so I continue to be inside my head. And with this, I've been thinking about what I need to do in my life to be happy. And I don't mean be happy for a little while and then just fall back down. Because that is what it feels like I have been doing. I cry and feel better for a little while and then it comes back, sometimes worse than ever.
So first I thought about the things that I'm doing in my life. I'm working a job and I'm now going to be working a second on as well for with my parents. This is partly due to the little hours that I've been getting at my current job, the little respect that I feel I'm getting, and that my parents need the help.
If things work out, I think I may end up leaving. Because I don't see it as a good thing that the only way I'm getting the minimum amount of hours I need to get by is because one of my co-workers quit because he was moving. I don't see that as true respect, call me crazy but that is something I would like to get out there to people no matter what kind of teacher I become.
This has been something in my head for awhile, but watching a movie that I really loved as a book made me see just a little bit more that I deserve more. I should be respected even if I work in fast food. There is nothing wrong with what I do.

"You are kind, you are smart, you are important." - The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Then I thought about school. It is something that is important to me, but i understand that I want to see something come of it and with the promise of being done in four years not happening, I feel a little hopeless. And it is okay to feel that way, but I need to keep going. That's what makes me so hopeless.
That's what I have really found is my problem these days. I'm believing in myself  a lot less than when I was younger. When you're little things seem so much easier. You don't have a lot of things on your plate all at once.
What I need to really do is find that strength on my own. I have to stop looking for someone else to justify what I'm doing.That's another thing I found too that goes along with believing with yourself. 
I think these are two of the hardest things that any person, especially a woman has to deal with and the even harder part is trying not to feel hopeless. It's standing up and letting crap wash over you and saying that it is going to be fine.
You have to find a way to stand up without faking it. Actually being happy until I have the life I want is the hardest part. The only thing that I have come up with at the moment is that I will tell myself a little every day, "I am kind, I am smart, I am important."
I think too that teaching will be one of the things that help me the most. Already being in my first grade class, I'm amazed. They are so smart. They know so much more, but at the same time it is sad too. They're pushed to be that way. It makes me wonder what it is like to be a kid today. Is it harder than when I was a kid?
But I digress, back to the happy self reflection.  So from here, I am actually going to make the effort to be happy. Truly happy, no matter what anyone else thinks of me.
I should have thought this a long time ago. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. The most important person who thinks of me, should be me!