Life Tests

I remember saying that I wanted this to be a positive blog about Endometriosis, but from time to I will talk about the things that happen in my life because of it. Today was one of those days. Endometriosis is when the lining of your uterus, that happy little stuff that bleeds every month during your period, grows on the outside of the uterus. Sometimes it grows on your ovaries, sometimes it grows on your bladder. From watching a TED Talks, I have learned that it can grow even up on your lungs. A few months ago, I had surgery and it was found around my fallopian tubes and my ovaries. But more of what there were were these cysts that would fill with puss and pop from time to time. My doctor seemed to think that this was maybe why I had been in so much pain the months before. They couldn't remove a few of them either because they were growing in areas that may have been damaged if they had tried to remove them.

Understandably, after a surgery like that, I had to take some time off, and I work in fast food. You can't exactly run around when you are in a world of pain. I thought that this surgery was going to be something that was going to fix me. This is something that I am coming to accept may never happen, but I have to try and find the good things in this.

My work has tried to be accommodating, but it is very hard to sit when you constantly have to be thinking of others and getting whatever thing they need. So even when I should have been sitting, I was trying to do my job. Part of this has been because of my co-workers giving me those looks. They are the kind of looks that could kill. They say, "why do you get to sit during work? I have to stand this entire 12 hour shift and so should you!" They really hurt, and because of my own attitude, doing work instead of playing around, I'm not the most liked person there either. So it hurts a little bit more. I try to take solace in thinking that I won't always work here, that I'm going to some day have a job that I like or even love. I won't know until I get there.
Yes, I'm afraid that my dream will no longer be something I can reach, but that is why I have my support. Even on days like this, when I have stayed home sick from school, but I needed to work. That is what you do when you are poor. That is what you do when you dream of getting a house with your boyfriend. You want to take care of him and be everything he needs.
The hardest part is that this is a fantasy too. I just have to learn to live right now. I have to deal with the things I have to do and being in a work place where people don't understand me is one of those tests. I may even end up having to quit here, but it will be on my terms and that is what I have to keep in mind.

Assuming that anyone is reading this, feel free to ask questions. Feel free to ask for details. If I feel like it is something that I can answer, then I will try. I want this blog to get out now. And even if not, I want to keep writing this for myself and anyone that comes across it that is going through the same thing.